Tuesday, May 11, 2010

La Joie de Merde

The evolution of bullshit from lil' turd to monster dump illustrates, yet again, that the headless dervish of modern media has spun itself off the cliff. Or is that too many metaphors?

Object lesson: Albert Haynesworth did not attend the second voluntary Washington mini-camp.

Official NFL East blogger Matt Mosely dug around, trying to find a teammate to criticize Haynesworth. He was unsuccessful, and team leaders ignored this distraction. Perhaps they are more focused on the fact that one hundred players were at the camp (I believe the largest mini-camp Washington's ever had) and offseason changes that include a new defensive scheme, a new starting QB and a new coaching staff.

Then Mike Wise wrote a column (that is, an opinion piece) that claimed everyone thinks Haynesworth is a bad teammate. He created this narrative from quotations such as Caucasian-American 3rd string safety Reed Doughty's "there's nothing I can really say to [Albert] except the more that we're here together, the more that we're working together."

The most damning words came from DE Philip Daniels (remember him?), who made the inarguable point that "it says this is voluntary, but for us, what we went through last season after a 4-12 season, it's mandatory. He should definitely be here. And it's a shame he's not."

Wise hangs his entire column on this statement, and weaves a magical tale of everyone-hates-Albert. Well, that's fine: his job is to create compelling stories and sell newspapers. How's that working, by the way?

One day later, the Worldwide Leader in Sports runs with the Sportscenter headline "Redskins Upset." Paid hacks refer to Haynesworth repeatedly as "a big baby." And we're off! Full speed ahead!

You should read the comments of fans. Unless intellectual abortions of spelling, grammar and logic bother you as much as they bother me.

The follow-up story to "Redskins Upset" is that QB Tom Brady is also missing voluntary mini-camp. Literally seconds later, the same hack has a very different take on Brady, saying that voluntary mini-camp is of no importance and Brady wanting to spend time with his family is noble: "that's what fathers have to do."

Thanks for everything, modern media! There's a reason it's not called journalism any more. How about a courtesy flush next time?


George Jefferson said...

I dislike you ass, assfaced idiot

Big Blue Monkey 2: The Quickening said...

Well argued, George Jefferson. Those were some salient points that Andrew overlooked.

Though, you did kind of prove his point about comments being full of shitty grammar and spelling.

Andrew Wice said...

Maybe you shod eplain what u meen by salient points

Damn, Wheezy!

Ray Savoie said...

Nice sous journalism, Andrew Chomsky!

(Or is it meta journalism? Journalism about journalism instead of 'under' journalism, which let's be honest, just sounds pornographic. It could be gonzo journalism with a metajournalistic bent if you mentioned that you took copious amounts of LSD while researching and ended up dry humping Albert Haynsworth's dog.)

Seriously: great work here.

Also: I dug "To The Last Drop." It was richly imagined.

Andrew Wice said...

Thank you!